Over the Christmas Period I have been re-reading two outstanding books by Norman Drummond: “Spirit of Success” and “Stepback”. Both books have made me sit back and reflect. The books have helped me to make a few decisions and for 2019 to be the year where the authentic David Nicholson comes out of his shell and starts to shine.
The biggest mistake I have made over the past several years has been allowing social media to drag me in all directions which has led to anxiety, confusion and insecurity. It took me away from my true self in some regards. As a result people haven’t seen me consistently firing on all cylinders and being on top form. The energy and potential has been there but I’ve not been able to use it to the fullest. That has not been right. Social media may have its positives but I’ve felt its destructiveness to the full. Never again.
Equally, as I have grown older the more I have realised that I have outgrown the community where I grew up in.That sense of social isolation and rejection which I have faced with being in Levenmouth for most of my 29 years has had a huge impact upon my mental well-being. I do not fit in to the tough working class culture hence the hassle I got at school and after my school years. It has profoundly hurt me how I was treated when I was younger, not being invited out to parties and so forth. It got very very lonely I assure you but it made me resilient and as a positive growing up in Levenmouth taught me to the importance of having a strong fighting spirit.
However, I cannot let that frustration hold me back but the time has come to take a different direction and loosen links. My heart lies in two places: the borders of Scotland and in the West/coast of Scotland/the Outer Hebrides. I retain hope that perhaps one day I may be able to move to either area, start a small farm/croft and truly relax.
My New Years Resolution is to lessen the influence that social media has on my life and to start taking pride in my real self. That way I can be the happy young chap I know I can be. That means:
- Never apologising for being autistic. I know that the condition makes socialising and communicating difficult at times both on social media and in the real world. As a result I have been foolish at times, made too many mistakes and made myself vulnerable. That has led to people misunderstanding me, testing peoples patience and so forth. For that I do apologise and do so with the fullest sincerity. I will always humbly apologise if I’ve made an idiot of myself and made mistakes. Sometimes it’s hard for me to process what is happening in the world, how to socialise etc. However, being autistic has its advantages too: being focused and disciplined on the things I love in life, being a tad eccentric, being geeky (or as I prefer to say intellectual)
- Keeping close to being an old school, traditional country gentleman who values discipline (along with some fun and laughter), high standards, politeness and good manners. The pressure that I have felt to try and be one of the lads has caused enormous strain so all that now goes out the window. Do you actually need to be a lad to attract the ladies? Do you? Well thanks to shows like “Love Island” that has been the impression that I stupidly made over the last few years. That blew away my confidence, I tried to take a new direction and all hell broke loose with anguish and tears to boot. I know if I stick to being the gentleman I know that I am then good things will…….happen. Nothing beats being a man who treats women with charm, courtesy, respect and also with a bit of old fashioned wit.
- Keeping close to my country roots and my passion for the countryside and its way of life. Also keeping close to my passions: of curling (the sport), of my music, of steam locomotives, of walking and of reading. I will also keep close to my beliefs including my faith and my One Nation, Pragmatic Conservatism and love of the Royal Family, of the church and armed forces.
- Continuing to strive for excellence, high standards and success but within the boundaries that perfectionism does not exist.
- Leading my life in such a way that makes me happy and not leading it how others want me to lead it.